We tend to think that the world is as we see it.  After all, that’s the way we see it.  But the truth is that we have a number of mental filters and distortions that happen unconsciously that prevent us from seeing the world as it is.  In fact, it is more accurate to say that we see the world as we are.

That’s an interesting notion that can be difficult to wrap your brain around, but think about the following example.  Two people go to a party.  Person A is in a great mood and has a great time.  Person B is not feeling well and doesn’t have fun.  Of course, they’re going to have completely different experiences even though it was the same party.

That clearly makes sense with two people.  Two different moods…two different experiences.  But the same phenomena occurs within one person as well.  Research by Dr. Emily Balcitis and Dr. David Dunning suggest that our desires impact our perception as well.

Through their research, they found that when you want something, your perception of its distance from you is judged to be closer than when it is something you don’t want.  It is our brain’s way of saying your almost there, if you try a little harder or go just a bit further you’ll have it.  Clearly, this illusion can be quite helpful.

Think about your goals.  But don’t just think about them, think about how you think about them.  Are they close, almost within your grasp?  If not, what would happen if you were to make them closer, would that make you more motivated?  If you’re like most people, it will.  Remember, the next time you hear yourself say, “I’m so close I can almost taste it,” understand that’s your brain’s way of getting you going.

Creating a personal mission statement can be one of the most powerful and unifying activities that you can do for yourself, your business, and even your family.  The process of creating a mission statement can take as little as a few minutes or as long as a few months, depending on the number of people and the issues involved.  For our purposes here, we are going to be creating a personal mission statement just for you.  It certainly could fit into a larger family mission statement if you want it to, but for now we’re going to focus on you.

The impact a mission statement will have on your life is directly related to the degree that it reflects what you do, who you do it for, and how you do it.   The more accurate your mission statement is regarding those three elements, the more powerful a tool it will be in terms of managing your life.

The purpose of a mission statement is to summarize your primary purpose or life’s mission in a sentence or a group of sentences.   As stated earlier, in these statements, we would describe what we do, who we do it for, and how we do it.  For example, using an airline metaphor, we would want to identify precisely what our primary purpose is for being in business.   We might decide that as an airline, our mission is: To help vacationers create the vacation of their dreams by being friendly, helpful, clean, and timely.

Notice how the mission clearly identifies what we do, “create the vacation of their dreams”, who we do it for, “vacationers”, and how we do it, “by being friendly, helpful, clean, and timely.”   Most importantly, it does not limit behavior but rather liberates behavior as you explore the endless ways of fulfilling that mission.  It does not state how the mission will be carried out, but allows the supporters to tap into their creativity to consistently identify ways to further their mission.

The same is true for a personal mission statement.   Your mission should be written with specific enough language to guide and direct your behavior but it should not be so specific that it details how you are to fulfill the mission.  It’s a great process, get started and find your passion.

You arrive at your hotel.  You walk up to the check-in desk and get a blank stare from the employee behind the desk.  You tell them that you want to check-in.  Your may or may not get a verbal response as the employee busily starts working on the computer.  Is this a great way to start an interaction with a customer?

As much as I’d like to say that this doesn’t happen a lot, the truth is that this is a pretty common situation.  And these are the folks who shape your first impression of the hotel and they are where you tend to go first when you have a problem.  I am often disappointed by the responses I get from these crucial customer service representatives.  That’s right, if you’re interacting with customers, you are part of customer service.  You have an impact on the customer each and every time you work with them.

Look at your responsibilities and take note of the impact that you have on customers?  What can you do to enhance their experience?  As you look around your organization look for areas where you can improve the service that you and your team provide to your customers.  They’ll thank you for it!

After a seminar recently, an attendee came up to me and asked about hiring me as a coach.   We talked for a few minutes about his company and his situation and at the end of the conversation.   He asked me that if I was his coach, was I going to make him do visualizations and things like that.

I decided to ask him a question.  I asked, “If doing visualizations was what it takes for you to be successful, would you do it?”   He put his hand on his chin and said, “I’d have to think about that.”  I told him to think fast because I was about to leave.   And he said, “You know what, I don’t think I would, because I don’t believe in any of that.”   I said to him, “That’s good to know because that means that you’re probably not ready for my level of coaching.”   And we parted ways.

Now, I don’t know if this client would need visualization training or not.   But what I do know is that successful people are willing to do whatever it takes to be successful.  And if that includes visualizations, then that’s what they’ll do.   And that’s what I look for in my clients and the people that I partner with – a willingness to do whatever it takes to get it done.

Think about the goals you have in life and ask yourself…are you willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish it?

I recently scheduled two weeks, back to back, off the seminar circuit to be home with my family.  With the exception of scheduled coaching calls with clients, I had total control over my schedule and could do what I wanted, when I wanted.   The day after getting home, I created a quick list of my priorities and got to work.  Creating programs, audios, writing articles, and I enjoyed doing it.   Most of the time, I would work until around midnight because it’s what I love to do.  And I completed many projects while making great progress on others.

Today, as I was getting ready to go through security at the airport to head back out, I realized that I forgot to get a new license when I was home.   From traveling so much, taking my license in and out of my wallet week after week throughout the past several years, my license has faded and airport security was not a fan.   DMV’s are not open on the weekend so these two weeks were my only shot for a while.  Immediately it dawned on my that although I made a quick list of what I wanted to get done, I didn’t make a complete list.   And as the saying goes, “Failing to plan is planning to fail.”

So make sure that when you are brainstorming objectives that you think of as many related tasks and outcomes as are necessary to get the job done completely.   Think about your ultimate outcome and then think about all the other outcomes that have to be achieved in order to create the success that you’ve envisioned.   It is obviously much better to do this up front.   Remember, when you successfully plan your outcomes, you’re planning for successful outcomes.

Some of you know that several years ago I fulfilled a life-long dream of going skydiving.  It was a thrill, at least for me.

A funny thing happens when you’re amongst a group that is about to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.  Quiet, rationale people will start to share their coping, or lack of coping skills out-loud.  It’s as if all personal filters have been removed when facing that level of fear.

And so I had the opportunity to listen to people’s self-talk live and in person as they prepared to face a fear or fulfill a dream.

And let me tell you, it wasn’t all pretty.

One women was simply repeating that she “hoped she didn’t die.”

Can you imagine jumping out of a plane after spending all afternoon thinking about it and just hoping you weren’t going to die.

Yeah, she didn’t make the jump.

This was such a vivid example of the power of self-talk and how negative self-talk, can talk you right out of doing something. Some part of that woman was interested in skydiving, she showed up for some reason, but she wasn’t able to actually achieve the goal.

Other people had something along the lines of, “I can get through this. I can do this.”  And that is not bad self talk. For them saying something like, “This is going to be awesome,” just wouldn’t ring true and then it’s useless.

You need to believe your self-talk. So if you need to take it down a bit, that’s just fine. Just be sure that you are communicating a positive outcome.

Other people were completely on-board and excited, they were the, “This is going to be awesome,” group and this self-talk reflected their level of excitement and their belief that they were going to jump out of that plane and have a great time doing it.

So the key with self-talk is keep it positive and make sure you believe it.

Start to examine some of the things that you routinely say to yourself and notice if they are positive or negative. Begin to start moving your self-talk into a more positive direction. This will enhance your results and boost your confidence.

Being confident isn’t about pretending that you don’t have any weaknesses.

None of us is perfect.

The difference between 7 percenters and the other 93 percent, is that they don’t run and hide from their weaknesses. They acknowledge them, do what they can to improve ones that can be overcome and they learn to live with the ones that can’t be changed.

If you constantly try to find your weaknesses, what is likely to happen? First, you’ll be really sensitive when a weakness comes up. You may even go to great lengths to keep others from seeing you in this situation.

Imagine that public speaking is a weakness or yours and your boss wants you to make a presentation to the entire company, including your direct reports. You know that you are currently a train wreck in front of an audience, what might this do to your confidence?

Think this presentation will be on your mind a bit?

What if you do fall apart in front of the entire company, just as you fear you might?

How will this impact your working relationships going forward?

#1: So, the first step is getting real about areas where you’d like to improve. Call them weakness if you like or areas of improvement, just get them down in writing.

#2: Now, make an honest assessment of the list, what can you change, what can’t you change.  Keep in mind that I’m not big on chalking lots of things up to the “can’t be changed” category. For the most part, unless you can really build a case for why it can’t be changed, this is the time to get creative and think about how you might be able to change it.

For example, if a woman thinks she advanced as far as she can, as a woman, in her company, she might be inclined to say that gender is holding her back and that can’t be changed. Alright, I’ll give you that, but her beliefs about the situation can change. And if she doesn’t change those, she can always change where she works. Why would she want to work at a place that doesn’t respect her value as an employee?

So start thinking outside the box and make sure that your assessment of your weaknesses is accurate.

#3: Next, figure out which one of these weaknesses is most detrimental to you professionally. Be honest, even though it’s probably the last thing you want to have to think about, pick the one that you know either is currently or has the potential to hold you back the most.

#4: Then start brainstorming. What can you do to begin to overcome this weakness? Every step you take, no matter how small, in overcoming this weakness will be a boost to your confidence.

It is an incredibly powerful thing to tackle something that truly challenges us.

Ever spend some time with someone who is highly defensive? It’s a lot of fun, isn’t it?

In fact, they may even become aggressive and turn on you or others in an effort to make themselves feel better. This is just a simple misdirection on their part and don’t take the bait.

If someone lacks confidence, when they feel challenged, this triggers their insecurity and they move to defensiveness. It makes sense.

Their self worth doesn’t come from within, it comes from outside of themselves. And this is a dangerous position because in addition to being defensive, when feedback they don’t like comes their way, they are likely to want to bring others down as well, so they feel better about themselves.

This can be disastrous to those around them.

If you have someone in your organization who is prone to defensive behavior, also be on the lookout for behavior that may not be supporting the self esteem of others.

This may take the form of criticism, a high level of complaining, focusing on other people’s weaknesses, etc. This is likely not the environment you are going for, because when the self esteem of your staff takes a nose-dive, so do the results they produce.

Beginning to build the esteem of everyone on your staff will help improve the situation. The defensive person will certainly benefit as will those who have been hit by their arrows of criticism.

Keep in mind that it is hard for someone to undermine your confidence when it comes from within, as it should. This is because you have two things going for you.

First, you are willing to hear feedback and make adjustments that might be necessary.

Second, if the feedback is malicious, you are able to spot it as such and ignore it.

Highly productive teams are made up of confident individuals.

Recently, I was setting up my equipment for a seminar at a hotel in Cincinnati.  The audio/visual guy for the hotel was assisting me with sound checks and I mentioned that I thought the conference center had a nice view.  We were at the top floor of a medium-sized hotel and from the room, you could see the city and the horizon off in the distance.

It happened to be early in the morning so the sun had just recently risen over the horizon. It was indeed a nice view.

After my comment about the view, the tech guy said, “I suppose it is a nice view if you don’t mind looking at storage facilities and run down buildings.” With surprise, I said, “Really, where do you see that?”  Sure enough, he pointed out the window to an area that had some older buildings and a storage facility with bright orange paint decorating their facilities.

I didn’t even see them before.  Of course, just because they were there, they didn’t ruin the otherwise impressive view.

Later on, I was thinking about how two people with the same view can have such different perspectives.  Clearly it was the same view.

Was it a good one or not?

While beauty is in the eye of the holder, there was something more here that I thought was important. We’ve all heard the phrase,

“What you see is what you get.” While this can be true, I’m not sure it is as true as often as we think.

In life, we don’t really see the world as it is, but rather as we are. We both saw the same scene; the only difference was the observer.  It is what we choose to focus on that makes the difference.  What we focus on depends on what is important to us and our state of mind and body. Doesn’t the world appear different when you’re sick compared to when you’re healthy?

Sometimes, you don’t see what you get, you get what you see.  And that’s a good thing. That puts you in control.

No one can control the direction of your focus and how you interpret the events around you except you. When chaos develops, your focus and your mindset determine how you handle the challenge. Before you can practice being calm in the middle of a storm, you need to practice controlling your focus and your perspective even when there is a light rain.

Your first step to practicing is to notice how the frame of reference of others affects them and their actions. Once we see it outside of ourselves, then we can easily begin to see it in ourselves and begin to control it. Good luck and have fun. You’re in control.

You’ve likely heard the saying often attributed to Henry Ford, “Whether you believe you can or can’t do a thing, you’re right.”

And I think this is terribly insightful and important when developing your personal effectiveness.

I can’t tell you how often I come across people who say things like, “I’m just no good at public speaking.” This is a big obstacle for a lot of people.

And here’s the problem with the belief that you’re not good at public speaking…you’ll likely create more of what you expect in the future. This is the big problem with negative beliefs about ourselves, they reinforce what we expect to achieve and they limit us.

You can easily get into a negative spiral. You think you’re not good at public speaking, you give a speech that doesn’t go great and it reinforces and strengthens that limiting belief. How do you think your next speech is going to go?

Top performers hold positive beliefs about themselves. Their high self-esteem makes it possible for them to expect positive outcomes to the things they set out to achieve.

If you’re not there yet, give this a try. Going back to the public speaking example.

Exercise

Start small and set a goal that you can achieve in a related area so that you can begin to build your confidence in your target area. For example, if you doubt your speaking skills, but you believe that you are good conversationalist. What you want to do is start by having a great conversation with one person. Allow this to reinforce what a great conversationalist you are.

Now have a great conversation with two people, three people, and keep on going have great conversations with larger and larger groups until you can’t help be conclude that you are a skilled communicator no matter the size of the group.

Isn’t that what speaking is anyways? Have a conversation with a few hundred new friends!

Your boost in confidence will have you ready for the next challenge, like a short presentation to a small group of supportive friends. Get yourself properly prepared, get the knowledge, skills and abilities you need to take each small step so you can keep setting and achieving these goals and soon you’ll find that you are a good public speaker. And most importantly, you will believe in yourself as a speaker.